Q: I have a friend that thinks their dancing skills are awesome, when in fact, their embarrassing. How do I tell them?
A: Let's begin with a simple fact: a friend who looks like a complete fool on the dance floor isn't good for anybody's image; especially if their your friend. It's your job to put a handle on this situation...
Now, this is a sensitive subject amongst some as the dance floor is one of the places where people are their most vulnerable. It’s one of the few places where we put all of our socially acceptable behaviors on the back burner and just go for it.
Unfortunately for some, “going for it” seems to mean re-enacting some sort of intense seizure. It is your task, dear reader, to put a handle on the situation. Now, you can’t call this friend up and flat out say… “Oh, hey, by the way… your dance moves the other night were… atrocious”. No, that’s going to pretty much end with a dial tone. The correct way is this: Jump online and look for a party (any party really, although one being hosted by a drag queen is probably best) that is holding a dance competition. Then, enroll your uncoordinated friend (without their knowledge) to compete. Make sure not to tell any of your other friends either. Your goal is to be a ninja in this whole thing: get shit done without anyone knowing it was you.
When you arrive at the venue with said person, make no mention or acknowledgement of the fiasco to come. Casually shrug off any references they make to posters or people talking about it. They’ll find out when everyone else does: when their summoned to the stage. Once that occurs, act as surprised and shocked as possible (but don’t overdo it). Admit no involvement whats-so-ever. You’ll really need to have your best poker face on for this one (see Lady Gaga). If their a good sport, they’ll prance up there and do their dandiest. If all goes according to plan, the crowd (and M.C.) will do nothing but laugh, giggle and ideally “boo” them off stage. It’ll be an utterly humiliating experience.
Once the competition is over, your friend will not be the winner and may have his or her feelings hurt. That’s where you come in and offer to buy them a drink or two (I mean, come on, it’s the least you can do). However, a mental seed has been planted within them that whispers: “Never dance in public again”. Over the coming weeks, you’ll want to invite your friend out dancing as much as possible but make no mention of the ordeal. In all likelihood, they’ll decline your invitation. They’ve learned their lesson and you can declare yourself victorious.
E-mail or tweet me your questions! Kristofer@AlliedStyl.es or @specik on Twitter.